Just a good article I wanted to share.
Be blessed!
Becki
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Trophy ChildrenA Father's Challenge - by James McDonaldI read the quote below today. It is from J. R. Miller's classic book,Home-Making, originally published in 1882:What we want to do with our children, is not merely to control them andkeep them in order-but to implant true principles deep in their hearts whichshall rule their whole lives; to shape their character from within intoChrist-like beauty, and to make of them noble men and women, strong forbattle of life. They are to be trained rather than governed. Growth ofcharacter, not merely good behavior-is the object of all home governing andteaching. Therefore the home influence is far more important than the homelaws; and the parents' lives are of more significance than their teachings.Whatever may be done in the way of governing, teaching or training-theoriesare not half as important as the parents' lives. They may teach the mostbeautiful things-but if the child does not see these things modeled in thelife of the parent, he will not consider them important enough to be adoptedin his own life.I believe it is crucial that we embrace these principles, regardless of thetime or season. However, in light of recent trends, it seems we need a moreurgent reminder. I have mentioned the heartbreaking statistics tabulated bymany denominations: 70 to 80% of Christian children leaving the church bythe time they are 20. When children from Christian households leave thefaith, we should always ask the question, "Why?"Many parents, rightly concerned, have turned to home education and seengreat improvement. Many have wisely sought family-integrated churches wherethe whole family can grow and worship together.Though the casualties are considerably less in homeschooling families wholearn and worship together, we still hear stories of "good homeschooling"children walking away from the faith. Only, too often, we are afraid to askwhy because we are afraid of the answer.I believe the root cause of this young adult exodus from even the covenantalbranch of Christendom is found in the heart of the father, the man who doesnot live or teach the faith. Many men will put on the church "game face" onSunday, yet live like the world the rest of the week. Yes - evenhomeschooling fathers. I have also observed dads who are more concerned witha child's conformance to the "law of the house" rather than their spiritualtransformation to the Lordship of Christ. Even in family-integratedchurches.The reality is this: the Christian faith is difficult to live andmaintain-that is, when we try to do it on our own strength. The call ofdiscipleship is one of denying one's self, of taking up the Cross, of losingone's life, of living in such a way that we do not deny the reality of ourLord (Mark 8:34-38). And, friends, fathers, we cannot do this alone, relyingon our power.The same is true of our children. Sure, we can get them all to line up in anorderly row. We can force them to sit quietly in church and not hit oneanother-at least most days. We can convince them that it is better to obey,because to disobey would mean facing the wrath of dad.But, if we raise our families all wrapped up in having the right image, wemay discover we've sacrificed relationships. We may wind up creating somesort of trophy children - children who look the part, who go through themotions, but children whose hearts aren't there.And what happens to trophy children when they turn 18? Will they follow therules of the home? Or will they leave in the exodus observed in mostevangelical denominations?The real question should this - what are we doing to train their hearts? Howare we teaching them that the true basis for their obedience should not bethe fear of chastisement, but their love for Jesus?As Miller so eloquently describes - we do this by modeling the reality ofour relationship with Jesus before them. Our lives are to present thereality of the Gospel. Paul told us in Philippians 4:9: "The things whichyou learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God ofpeace will be with you." We are to live in such a way that Jesus is receivedby our children not only in the things we teach, but in the things we sayand do.And this only occurs when we also know that the Father accepts us, not bywhat we have done but, by the One in which we have put our trust. Ourability to model Christ is found in our relationship with Him.Jesus Himself said in John 14:15 "If you love Me, keep My commandments. " Wecould use this verse as a litmus test to see if our children love us. Wemight infer, "If they really love us, then they will do as we say." But wealso need to understand that even our ability to love Jesus comes from Him.And with that ability to love, comes the ability to obey. It is all aboutHim.Friends-fathers, we must forsake the pharisaical desire for trophy children,children who obey so that we can look spiritually successful. We must, byGod's grace, seek to be spiritually successful - not so we can look good,but so that we can teach our children the way of wisdom - by being anexample that authenticates our rule. And when they fail, and they will, weshould show them that their sin can only be overcome by the power of theCross. Use every failure-every sinful action, not as a time of discipline oranger, but a time of discipleship! These are God-ordained opportunities toshare the richness of the grace of God in Christ.If we not only teach Christ, but live Christ, we will not be concerned abouthaving "trophy children;" we will see the promises of God manifested in thehearts of our children, for generations.Lastly, if you are the parent of a child who has walked from the faith, takehope! The arm of the Lord is not too short to save. Even if we have failed,even if our children are walking contrary to the Word, He is the One whoopens the heart. He is the Captain of our salvation. Consider where you mayhave failed in the past and repent. Remember that God has ordained yoursteps and knew your child would stray before he was even born. Pray that Godwould use your own repentant heart to bring your child to like repentance.Take it to the Lord in prayer, in faith, knowing that He can bring theprodigal child home-knowing that it is all for His glory!About Family Reformation MinistriesFamily Reformation, founded by James and Stacy McDonald, iscommitted to extending the Kingdom of God through the strengthening ofChristian families. If you would like to host a Family ReformationConference at your church, or would like to know how you can join us in thiswork, contact Family Reformation at the address below.Family Reformation Ministries
